Queenagers R Us 

I love the term Queenager. I think it’s a great way to describe a woman who has reached an age where realistically she has less time ahead of her than has gone before. Rather than winding down our lives we want to make the most of it. We recognise that getting older is a privilege denied to many. We might have experienced divorce, illness, bereavement, depression, financial pressure and have a resilience and strength that comes from surviving such adversity. Us Queenagers know we can still keep going. 
This week’s musings are inspired by the Queen of the chat show we all grew up with, Oprah Winfrey. Specifically, this quote – ‘Think like a queen. A queen is not afraid to fail. Failure is another steppingstone to greatness.’ 

Are you a Queen? 

So, what is the definition of ‘queen’. 
There’s the obvious definition, royalty, Queen Elizabeth II for example. 
The queen is the most powerful piece in chess as she can move in any direction 
If you mixed on the gay scene back in the day like I did, it was gay slang for a flamboyant or effeminate man (might still be?) 
These days apparently if you call someone a Queen on social media it equals a term of respect 
A few years ago, I read ‘The Audacity to Be Queen’ by Gina DeVee. I liked her definition. It spoke to me. Based on my understanding, a Queen is confident, poised, clear in her calling, empowered, and learns from the failure of her queen journey. So, it resonates with Oprah’s quote. When I say Queen from now on bear that in mind. 

A Queen is... 

As a Queen you give yourself permission to take yourself off the back burner and step into your greatness. There’s no more dismissing yourself, your wants and needs. It’s about giving yourself permission and prioritising time for yourself, holding your self-worth to account. 
You have boundaries and raise your standards. Being a queen is not about lording it above others and thinking you are better than them, it’s about being the best version of yourself. When you choose to be a Queen everyone around you benefits because you thrive. You own your power. 
Stepping into your Queen power as a woman in business means recognising your own worth, abilities, and strengths, and using them to confidently assert yourself, speak up, and make meaningful contributions to the world. It is about you stepping up to be visible as a leader and inspirational role model. 
So, you see, there’s a compelling argument as to why it’s important that you step into your Queen persona and OWN it. BUT what if you’re not quite ready? What if those little voices in your head are still chattering? It does come down to you advocating for yourself. If you don’t muster that inner strength and overcome the barriers and limiting beliefs, you’re holding yourself back. This is non-queen behaviour. Remember, a Queen is not afraid to fail. As long as you are trying, you’re not failing, you are just on a stepping stone to greatness. 
F. A. I. L = first attempt in learning (I love an acronym) 
Daniel Priestley, author of another one of my favourite books, ‘Key Person of Influence’, posted on LinkedIn this week saying that prolific beats perfect and that ‘the best are creating more samples of work to be judged on’. He went on to give several examples of ‘the best’, Sir Richard Branson being one of them. How many businesses has he had with his Virgin brand over the years? Hundreds! And how many of those have ‘failed’? I can list a few just off the top of my head- Virgin Brides, Virgin Megastore, Virgin Cars, Virgin Cola, I even worked for one, Virgin Cosmetics! There was the lottery bid and just this week Virgin Orbit. Whatever you think of SRB, he ain’t no quitter. He just gets back on the horse and tries something else. 
The proper name for fear of failure is atychiphobia. I think it’s human nature to be nervous about trying something new, but imagine NEVER trying anything because you are so afraid of failing. Sometimes it’s hard to put your head above the parapet and get over the fear of being judged and what others think of you. One of my yardsticks is to ask myself, ‘what’s the worst that could happen?’ when I’m thinking about whether something will fly or fail. If I can handle the worst, then it might help me make the decision to go for it and put me in my Queen power. 

6 Tips to help you overcome your fear  

I’m still very much work in progress regarding thinking like a Queen. It doesn’t come naturally to me. I don’t think my self-worth has ever been fully 100% Queen. I certainly spent many years where the Queen energy I did have was gradually eroded to almost nothing. There must’ve been a little spark of it not quite quashed as, when my life imploded in 2013, I made a conscious decision to reclaim my power. If you are like me and are a Queen in progress here are some tips I use, that might help you overcome your fear and take that first step: 
Start small: Trying something completely new can be overwhelming, so begin with something that's just outside your comfort zone and will stretch you just a little bit. This helps you build confidence and makes the process less intimidating. Like the whole, eating an elephant one bite at a time, thing. 
Focus on the benefits: Instead of dwelling on the potential negatives, focus on the potential benefits of the new thing. Will it help you grow as a person? Will it open up new opportunities for you? Keeping the positive outcomes in mind can help. 
Embrace uncertainty: Part of what makes trying something new scary is the uncertainty, the fear of the unknown. View it as an experiment and an opportunity for growing and learning. Trust that you'll figure things out as you go – think that you are just testing something out. 
Find a support system: Having a support system can make all the difference when trying something new. Seek out folk who can offer you encouragement and support. It might be like-minded women in business, family or friends. Maybe even a coach or mentor who’ll have your back. 
Remember that failure is okay: It's important to remember that failure is a natural part of trying something new. View it as a learning opportunity and a chance to grow. Remember FAIL = first attempt in learning. 
Celebrate your successes, no matter how small. Share your celebration with people you trust and who appreciate what it is you are trying to do. Not everyone will get it – don’t go to them for validation. Highlight the learning that comes from the new experiences and keep a record so you can measure how far you’ve come. (I’m rubbish at this bit. It’s often easier to look up the mountain and see how far you’ve still got to go than look down and see how far you’ve come.) 
Embrace your Queen energy 
So, to all you would be Queens out there, it's time to embrace your Queen energy and confidently own your place in the world. Your skills and talents are valuable, and the world needs them now more than ever. You need to be showing up in your power, reclaiming your throne and not letting anyone else steal your crown. It’s about you being able to fulfil YOUR purpose so you can positively impact the lives of others and create the wonderful ripple effect. 
FAB Network : female authentic ballsy 
If you are a woman in business and would like to meet with me and other likeminded Queens (or Queens in progress) you are welcome to visit our next FAB meeting which is online, Weds 12th April 11am -1pm. Your first visit is free - hit reply to ask me for a Golden Ticket. 
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