Clothes That Carry You
What do you reach for when the ground beneath you starts to shift?
When everything else feels uncertain - redundancy, retirement, reinvention, divorce, menopause, becoming a carer - there’s something grounding about getting dressed in something that is ‘just right’ for what you need in the moment. Pulling on that soft, cosy fleece or jumper that hugs you just right. Slipping into that bold, smart blazer that makes you feel sharp and capable, even if you’re quietly falling apart inside.
We don’t always think about clothes in this way. But what you wear can hold you together when you feel like you’re coming undone.
This blog is for the person navigating change. The one who looks sorted on the outside but inside is wondering, “Who even am I just now?” If that sounds familiar, let’s talk about how your wardrobe can become a powerful anchor, not just a collection of clothes.
Style and Survival: It’s Deeper Than Just ‘Looking Nice’
Let’s get one thing straight, this isn’t about fashion. It’s not about trends or whether camel is the new black. It’s about you feeling like yourself when the version of you that once fit like a glove suddenly doesn’t anymore.
During life’s big transitions, your sense of identity can wobble. You’re no longer who you were, but not yet sure of who you’re becoming. And in that messy, beautiful in-between space, clothes can be a lifeline.
I’ve seen it loads of times. Clients going through divorce, burnout, or a career pivot etc who feel like they’ve lost their spark. They’ve got wardrobes full of clothes that belong to a past version of themselves. Boardroom suits they no longer need. ‘Fat day’ jeans they’ve had since 2003. Nice tops that scream mum at the school disco, nothing that says leader of their next chapter.
And yet, they’re holding onto it all ‘just in case’. Because it’s scary to let go when you don’t know what’s next. But that’s where the magic lies. The moment you start dressing for who you’re becoming, everything shifts.
Enclothed Cognition: Why What You Wear Impacts How You Feel
There’s a psychological phenomenon called enclothed cognition. A fancy term that basically means clothes affect how you think, feel, and behave.
If you wear something that makes you feel competent, you’re more likely to act that way. Slip into something joyful, and your brain gets a little hit of dopamine. This isn’t fluff, it’s science. It’s why grabbing the same tired outfit every day when you’re struggling is the emotional equivalent of eating dry white toast for every meal.
Clothes can be medicine, armour or celebration. They are a way of saying to the world, “I’m still here”. Even if your life feels upside down, you can choose an outfit that says, “I’ve got this,” until you do.
Getting Dressed When You’re in Survival Mode
I’m not here to shame anyone for throwing on joggers and hiding under the duvet. We’ve all been there. There are days when style feels like the least of your worries. But it’s important to recognise there’s a difference between comfort and disconnect, between giving yourself grace and giving up on yourself.
When you’re in survival mode, your wardrobe doesn’t need to be Pinterest-worthy. It needs to be you-worthy. Supportive, soothing and empowering.
Here are a few questions to gently explore next time you get dressed:
Is this outfit helping me feel more like myself, or less?
Am I dressing in a way that matches how I want to feel today?
What would I wear if I believed things were getting better?
These aren’t superficial questions. They’re powerful prompts for reconnecting with yourself, especially when your sense of self feels fragile.
The ‘Bridge Wardrobe’: Dressing for the In-Between
How about the concept of a ‘bridge wardrobe’. It’s can be what carries you through the space between what was and what’s next.
Think of it as your style satnav while the map is still unfolding.
You might not be ready to completely ditch everything in your wardrobe. But you might be ready to ditch the shapeless black tunic that makes you feel invisible. You might be ready to experiment with wearing your favourite colour again. You might be ready to try some new jeans that actually fit your now-body, not your “when I lose a stone” version.
Small changes but intentional choices equal style shifts that whisper, I’m ready for more, even if your voice is still a bit shaky.
Clothes as a Declaration: I’m Not Disappearing
One of the saddest things I hear from clients is “I’d love to try XYZ but don’t feel like I can wear that.”
It’s heartbreaking, but so common. Midlife can feel like a time when you’re no longer centre-stage. Especially if you’re not in the workplace anymore, or your kids don’t need you in the same way, but your parents need you even more. And then, if your body has changed too, your hairs gone grey and the texture has changed it’s easy to feel like you’ve slipped into the shadows.
But clothes can be a declaration, they can say I’m still here. In full colour if that floats your boat. And whatever you wear will be saying something so you may as well make it say something you actually want to say.
You don’t need a reason to dress in a way that lights you up. You don’t have to earn the right to feel fabulous. And you certainly don’t need permission. Sometimes the most radical act is to show up fully, lipstick, leopard print and all,(or whatever is your thing) even if no one’s watching.
Resilience Isn’t Always Roaring. Sometimes It’s Getting Dressed Anyway
Resilience doesn’t always look like marching forward. Sometimes it looks like pulling on a top that makes you feel strong, even if your heart’s breaking. Sometimes it’s brushing your hair, adding a slick of mascara, and saying, “Not today,” to the part of you that wants to hide.
Style isn’t a fix-all. But it is a tool, a resource and can be a soft place to land when everything else feels hard. And when you use it with intention, it becomes a powerful companion on the path to reinvention.
Ready to Reclaim Your Style as a Source of Strength?
If this has stirred something in you, if you’ve been living in a wardrobe that belongs to a woman you no longer are, then maybe it’s time for a reset. Not a fashion overhaul as such but a reconnection.
Start by choosing one item of clothing this week that makes you feel like you. Not the old you the ‘next-chapter’ you. The one who’s evolving.
And if you want help building that bridge wardrobe, I’ve got you. It’s literally what I do.
Let’s redefine style as self-respect. Let’s make your wardrobe a place of comfort, power and possibility, not pressure.
So, what’s the one item of clothing that’s carried you through a big shift? I’d love to hear your story.
Share this post: