What a Burlesque Show Taught Me About Midlife Confidence and Style
It wasn’t a razzle, dazzle big stage production or anything. Just a function room, upstairs in a local pub on a bank holiday weekend. Who’d have thought a night of sequins, sass, and self-expression could teach us so much about power, presence, and personal style.
At the weekend I found myself immersed in a riot of rhinestones, fishnets, and feathers (plus a few surprises) front row at a burlesque show, watching a group of glorious humans unapologetically own the stage. It wasn’t just the glittery spectacle that caught my attention (though trust me, it was fabulous) - it was what it symbolised. What it stirred in me and hopefully, as you read this blog, what it might stir in you too.
Because burlesque isn’t just about performing, it is about permission.
· Permission to take up space
· Permission to be seen, celebrated, and sensational
· Permission to play, provoke, and express
And let’s be honest, how many of us are craving exactly that?
We spend too much of our lives making ourselves small. Trying to fit in. Trying not to rock the boat. Trying to meet everyone’s expectations with people pleasing while quietly wondering where we went in the process.
These performers weren’t performing in the way so many of us do day-to-day - wearing the ‘right’ outfit, smiling politely, fitting in, blending into the background. They were expressing, amplifying, and embracing every glorious inch of themselves and swinging their nipple tassels to celebrate.
It was joyous, rebellious and liberating.
And it got me thinking… what if we all channelled a little burlesque energy in our everyday lives?
Not the pasties or the boas (unless you fancy it, because you know I love mine!), but the essence behind it. The confidence, the boldness, the audacity to show up as the fullest version of yourself.
Dressing With Intent: Why Personal Style Is More Than Just Clothes
Here’s what I took away, and why it’s so relevant to you if you’re navigating that “what now?” stage of life, wondering how to show up in your next chapter without compromising who you are.
It’s Not About the Reveal — It’s About the Intent
Burlesque isn’t about getting your kit off. It’s about the tease and the storytelling. The deliberate choice of what to show and what to keep for yourself.
Same goes for your personal style and , if you’re in business, your personal brand.It's not about revealing all, showing skin or dressing up to impress. It’s about showing you.Your essence, your energy, your uniqueness and edge.
When you get dressed in the morning, are you doing it on autopilot or are you dressing with intent? Are you making choices that reflect who you really are… or just what feels safe, in your comfort zone – or dare I suggest- from your style rut?
It’s about Image Alignment. You don’t need a costume to feel confident. You need clothes that are aligned and that feel like a second skin. Clothes that say something about you before you even open your mouth.
How to Use Style as a Confidence-Boosting Tool in Midlife
Every performer that stepped on that stage brought something different. Some were vampy, some were vintage pin-up, some were wildly camp and comedic. My cheeks were actually aching from smiling and laughing so much at a couple of the performers. They weren’t carbon copies, all doing the same routines they were characters. Amplified versions of themselves, in a similar way to drag – and you know how much of a drag fan I am.
They weren’t waiting to feel confident, they stepped into it.
And yes, for some, red lipstick and killer shoes can help. But for many it’s more than that. It’s about energy and embodiment. It’s about putting on your “this is me” outfit and walking out the door like you mean it.
You can absolutely build confidence from the outside in. That’s not being shallow, it’s being strategic. It’s enclothed cognition. You’re telling your brain, “I’ve got this.” You’re telling the world, “I know who I am.”
This is where my made-up word ‘comfydence’ comes in. Feeling comfortable AND confident, at ease and empowered in what you wear. The right outfit doesn’t just make you look good, it supports your posture, your presence and your power. Remember - confidence is a costume you can choose.
Visibility Is Power: Reclaiming Your Presence Through What You Wear
Here’s the bit that gave me goosebumps. Many of the performers were not what you’d typically see in mainstream media, and that was exactly the point.
Bodies of all shapes and sizes. Varied ages and genders. And not one of them shrunk themselves. Not one tried to fit a mould. They smashed it to pieces, ostrich feathers flying in all directions.
Visibility, for them, wasn’t about being palatable. It was about being seen, on their terms.
That’s what I want for you.
When your wardrobe isn’t aligned with who you are now, you feel out of sync. You hesitate and dim your light. You wonder why you feel invisible but deep down, you know it’s because what you’re projecting isn’t matching what you’re capable of.
When your personal style, your branding, your presence is all working in harmony is when the magic happens. That’s when people take notice, not just because of what you’re wearing, but because of how you’re being.
Rediscovering Joy in Style: The Power of Play and Dopamine Dressing
One of the most beautiful things about the show was the fun. It was cheeky and irreverent. These performers were enjoying themselves and that joy was infectious -especially with the nipple tassel swinging at the end of each performance. The word that sprung to mind was ‘gleeful’.
As adults, especially as we get to midlife, we forget how important play is. We’ve become so serious. We think we have to be professional and taken seriously all the time especially in business. But actually, bringing a sense of play and experimentation to your style can be the exact thing that reconnects you to your spark.
Try the leopard print, clash the colours, add a bit of extra sparkle – experiment and explore. Owning your uniqueness and personal style with dopamine dressing isn’t about fashion trends, it’s about joy. It’s about choosing what lifts your energy and expressing what words can’t always say. Remember, play is powerful.
Midlife Style Doesn’t Have to Be Subtle - It Can Be Seen
There’s this cultural, societal whisper that once you hit midlife, you should fade a bit. Quieten down, become invisible almost, wear beige, keep it classic.
Burlesque laughs in the face of that.
So do I.
You’re not here to shrink. You’re not here to blend in. You’ve done enough of that already.This chapter? It’s about turning the volume up – loud and proud of who you are.It’s about being seen as the expert you are, not apologising for your success, and embracing your uniqueness like it’s the main event- because it is.
So, what now?
I’m not suggesting you sign up for a burlesque class tomorrow, although if that tickles your fancy, why not? I do actually regret not doing in in my 40’s when I had more mobility. I did look into joining a class as I was emerging from my Treble F years (fat, fed-up & frumpy) but didn’t follow it through. It felt a step too far at the time.
What I am suggesting is this:
Ask yourself:
· Where in your life have you been holding back?
· Where could you be more visible, more vibrant, more you?
And then:
· What might it feel like to give yourself full permission to show up – flamboyant if that’s your style but most definitely fabulous and fully self-expressed?
Because you’re not too old. You’re not too much. You’re not past it. You’re perfectly placed to own your power, your presence, and your personal style like never before.
And if you fancy a bit of help with that? Well, you know where to find me.
Ready to Show Up Fully Self-Expressed? Here’s Where to Start
If you’re curious about developing your own style recipe, aligning your wardrobe with your next chapter, and starting to show up as the fully expressed version of yourself, you should register for my upcoming free masterclass.
CREATE YOUR UNIQUE STYLE RECIPE IN JUST 3 WORDS WITH EVA THE DUCK
In this masterclass, I’ll guide you through my EVA Method—Energy, Vibe, Aesthetic.
You’ll discover how to define your personal style blueprint in three powerful words that reflect the woman you are today and the one you’re becoming.
• We’re not doing fashion trends.
• We’re doing identity.
• We’re doing self-expression.
• We’re doing the work.
This masterclass is for you if:
✅️ You’re craving clarity in how you show up
✅️ You want to be seen, recognised and respected for the powerhouse you are
✅️ You’re done with shrinking, blending in, or playing it safe
By the end, you’ll have:
A solid understanding of your unique style DNA
Practical tools to start editing your wardrobe with intention
A joyful new lens for getting dressed every day
Because when your wardrobe reflects your true self, you stop asking “what should I wear?” and start saying, “this is who I am.”
Join me and EVA the Duck - register HERE now.
And in the meantime dress with intent, embrace your inner Dita Von Teese and remember, how you dress does matter. You deserve to be seen and celebrated
Keep Shining!
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