The Soul-Sapping Job That Led Me Here
A personal wake-up call that sparked a business and a journey back to joy
If you’ve followed me for a while, you’ll know, before I started my business I had ‘The Soul-Sapping’ job. The one that made me dread Monday mornings (and Tuesday through to Friday, if I’m honest). I used to wake up at 4.30am every day with that pit-of-the-stomach feeling, knowing I was about to spend another day going through the motions, slowly having the life drained out of me. It wrecked my mental health. Thankfully, that version of my life is now well and truly in the rear-view mirror.
It’s been over 11 years since I started planning my business, and what a ride tha’s been. Each year has brought new lessons, shifts, and nudges. But 2024, the year I turned 60 was a big year of reflection. And at the end of March, as I settled into 2025, I started thinking hard about what I want the next chapter to look like. What does a joyful, sustainable way of working really mean for me? That’s where the concept of Ikigai comes in.
Redsicovering My Reason for Being (Hello again Ikigai)
Why this Japanese concept helped me get clear on what really matters now
Ikigai (pronounced ee-kee-guy) is a Japanese concept that roughly translates to "reason for being." It’s the beautiful sweet spot where what you love, what you’re good at, what the world needs, and what you can be paid for all overlap. It’s more than just a career- it’s your why. And apparently, finding it is the secret to a long and happy life.
I sat, once again, with those four questions:
What do I love doing?
What does the world need?
What am I good at?
What can I be paid for?
When you map these out, you get a powerful mix:
Love + Need = Mission
Love + Skill = Passion
Skill + Paid = Profession
Paid + Need = Vocation
All four? That’s your Ikigai.
It’s such a helpful framework for recalibrating and making sure you’re not just existing on autopilot. I’d highly recommend it if you’re feeling a bit jaded.
Where’s the joy?
At the end of Q1 this year, I did a proper audit. Looked at where my time was going, how my body was feeling, and what my energy was like. It wasn’t good. Since turning 60, I’d been struggling with my health, undergoing lots of invasive yet inconclusive tests and generally feeling like my battery never fully recharges.
It dawned on me that I’d recreated a job for myself. Despite being my own boss I’d got fixed hours, a list of tasks to justify being at my desk, even if they didn’t *really* need doing. I’d unintentionally drifted away from my Ikigai, not towards it.
And it was showing. I wasn’t filling my own cup. I wasn’t even close. In fact, I’d been running on empty and pouring from a cup that hadn’t seen a refill in ages.
The Saucer Theory: A Gentle Reminder to Nourish Yourself First
Filling your cup is self-preservation, not selfishness. This is where The Saucer Theory comes in- a metaphor I love.
You’ve probably heard it before. It’s when you focus on filling your cup first. With joy. With rest. With creativity. With whatever nourishes you. Only when that cup is full-really full- it spills over into the saucer. And that overflow is what you give to others.
Not from sacrifice. Not from guilt. From abundance.
I’d been ignoring my saucer entirely. I was scraping the bottom of a bone-dry mug and wondering why I felt so bloody tired.
The Spoon Theory & the Invisible Cost of Everyday Life
What it really feels like to manage energy (and why it matters).
Another helpful one, especially if you’ve ever felt like you’re rationing your energy just to make it through the day, is the Spoon Theory, often used by those with chronic fatigue/illness.
You start each day with a set number of spoons. Every task, no matter how small, costs you spoon energy. Getting dressed. Replying to an email. Making a phone call. Creating a reel. Some days you’ve got plenty of spoons. Other days, just brushing your teeth takes a whole one.
When you’re healthy and energised, you don’t notice your spoons. But when you’re depleted emotionally, mentally and hormonally, it’s a different story. And I was burning through spoons just trying to keep my business ticking over.
Paul was doing everything at home so I could “save” my energy for work. But even that didn’t feel sustainable. Something had to shift. Did I need to pack it all in?
Questioning My Work Identity : Who Am I Without the Hustle
Getting honest about what I want this next chapter to look like.
That was the real eye-opening question. When I asked myself what I’d do with my time if I wasn’t working… I didn’t have an answer.
I’ve been working since I was 14- over 46 bloody years! The only significant breaks I’ve had were after surgery or when I had Finn. Even then, I was itching to do. To produce. To give.
But I’m not ready to jack it all in. I don’t want to stop working. I love what I do. It lights me up. I just don’t want it to cost me all my spoons. I want to work in a way that feeds me.
So, I started experimenting. I gave myself permission to try the phrase “semi-retired” on for size. It felt weird. But as I spent less time at my desk and more time doing things that sparked joy-painting, sewing, writing - it started to feel really good.
Shifting from Strategy to Creativity
How painting, sewing and writing brought me back to myself
I shifted from the business end of the bench in my ‘office’ where my PC is to the creative end where I’ve got all my art stuff laid out. Literally. My pens and paints are getting more use than my planner at the moment. I also now claimed Finn’s room (he’s in Australia and not coming back any time soon) and turned it into a sewing station. I’ve got fabric galore and plans to upcycle some of my wardrobe for summer.
This Isn’t a Full Stop. It’s a Comma.
Why I’m not quitting- just realigning, rebalancing, and reclaiming joy
This isn’t about walking away from my business, it’s a joy-led recalibration. It’s about walking towards a more balanced way of living. One where I honour my creativity as much as my strategy. Where I show up in a way that reflects the version of me I am now, as a 60 year old drawing a small teaching pension and getting a return on investments, not the version that thought she had to prove her worth by hustling.
My vision board has always included creative pursuits - writing, painting, making. I finally went to a memoir writing workshop this week and it was the spark I didn’t know I’d been waiting for. That book I started eight years ago is calling once again.
So this isn’t a full stop. It’s a comma. A pause. A chance to realign with my Ikigai. To protect my spoons. To fill my cup until it overflows.
I’ve not abandoned the business. I’m just running it on my terms. That means:
A proper strategy for the marketing stuff I’m not wild about
Routines that serve me instead of the other way round
Carving out time for joy, creativity and rest as non-negotiables
What's Your Ikigai Telling You?
Here’s a gentle nudge to check in with your own purpose, energy, and joy
Maybe you’ve also felt like you’re on a treadmill. Maybe you’ve noticed your spoons disappearing faster than they used to. Or your cup’s feeling a bit dry.
Take a moment this week to sit with the Ikigai questions. See what comes up.
Ask yourself:
What fills your cup?
What drains your spoons?
What would it look like to live in a way that lets your saucer catch the overflow?
Because you deserve more than just getting through the day. You deserve a life that feels aligned, nourishing, and full of joy.
Let me know if this resonates. Or better yet- tell me how you’re filling your cup at the moment. I’d love to know.
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