Have you ever felt like you were dressing for someone else’s approval rather than your own joy? That creeping feeling that you’ve somehow ended up with a wardrobe full of ‘acceptable’ choices, things that are just ok rather than clothes that make your heart sing? 

 

Oprah Winfrey puts it perfectly: “Define yourself on your own terms. Don’t let others put you in their box.” But how often do we allow ourselves to be confined by boxes that aren’t even ours to begin with? 

 

When I use the term influencers your thoughts might go straight to social media, like the Kardashians on Instagram or someone with a large audience on YouTube. Yet they aren't a new thing invented by the millennials. We've all had them since childhood and whether you are aware of it or not, what you choose to wear is a direct or indirect result of your influences from an early age. 

 

Parents generally seem to have a big influence over how you dress because they are the ones buying your clothes when you are young. I have clients who still have ‘rules’ to overcome around dressing that are made up by parents. You mustn’t show your knees when wearing a dress. Your shoes and handbag should always match. Worse still you could have body image issues because of throwaway comments made about your appearance. I had one client who didn’t wear a dress or anything tight fitting on her legs for almost 40 years because her dad said she had tree trunk legs in her early teens! 

 

When I first start working with you I’ll ask you about your clothes stories. Questions about how your parents dressed and their thoughts around clothing. We explore your attitude to getting dressed and where it comes from. We talk about your early memories of clothing and who chose what you wore. Whether getting dressed was a creative process or a more practical one. It's all relevant to how you dress today. 

 

My clients are sometimes surprised when I start asking them questions like this - then more often than not I can see the penny dropping as they make the links to their current ways of thinking around clothes. It's fascinating stuff. 

 

Mothers have a lot to answer for. In old photos from our childhood it’s obvious to see that our mum liked me and my sister to be dressed the same. We were always smartly turned out in our matching outfits that she made for us. Which was fine ...until it wasn't. As I got older I wanted to look different from my little sister. It annoyed me that we had to dress the same. 

 

As a teenager I began to have more of a say in what I wore and enjoyed being more of an individual. Whereas my sister struggled with the freedom of choice and didn’t have the clarity around her style like I seemed to have. In her case study (in my book) she describes being drawn to uniforms and liking being smart. Wearing a uniform is my idea of hell. We do both still like to be coordinated though. So, you can see, just in this little snippet, how our mother's choices influenced us both but in different ways. 

Let’s be honest, we’ve all been there. I know firsthand what it's like to feel lost in a style rut. I often talk about the time when I felt invisible. I call this the ‘Treble F’ period (Fat, Fed Up, and Frumpy) and I’d lost my mojo completely. After years of juggling a demanding business, family life, and battling with depression, my personal style had taken a backseat. I’d find myself reaching for the same old, ‘slimming black’ comfortable clothes, lacking inspiration and feeling increasingly frumpy. 

 

I was that woman hiding in baggy clothes, living in hope of fitting back into my pre-baby jeans. But then I realised that my external appearance was directly impacting my internal confidence and sense of self. It was time for a change. The turning point came when I decided enough was enough. I ditched the too-small clothes and embraced a new approach, dressing for the body I had, not the one I wished for. 

 

This was the beginning of my style journey. I rediscovered the power of colour and fit, and how they could transform not just my appearance but my mindset. It was about finding clothes that made me feel confident and empowered, not just OK. 

 

In my new masterclass this week I tasked the attendees with thinking about what limiting self-beliefs they were hanging onto that were affecting their style choices these days and gave them this task. 

 

To move from just being nicely dressed to fully self-expressed, you have to shed the outdated style rules that are keeping you small. Think about the beliefs that have dictated your choices.  

 

Maybe you’ve told yourself: 

 

• “I can’t wear bold colours because I need to look professional.” 

• “I shouldn’t wear fitted clothes because of my body shape.” 

• “I have to hide my arms because they don’t look toned enough.” 

 

Now, write down three style beliefs that have been holding you back: 

 

1. ________________________________________ 

2. ________________________________________ 

3. ________________________________________ 

 

These little ‘rules’ might have come from family, past experiences, or even the subconscious messaging we absorb from society. The important thing is recognising them for what they are—conditioning, not truth. 

 

 

Once you’ve identified these limiting beliefs, it’s time to dig deeper. Where did they come from? A well-meaning family member’s comment? A bad shopping experience? A lifetime of being told what’s ‘flattering’ for your shape rather than what feels right for you? 

 

Now, let’s flip them into something empowering. If you’ve been avoiding bold colours because they don’t seem ‘professional’, reframe it: “I can look polished AND wear vibrant colours that make me feel alive.” If you’ve been hiding your arms, try: “I deserve to be comfortable and confident in my body, exactly as it is.” 

Write your own reframed statements and repeat for each belief. 

 

This is where the magic happens—when you stop dressing for expectations and start dressing for you. 

 

Another exercise in my From Just Nicely Dressed to Fully Self-Expressed masterclass is finding three words that define your ideal style identity. These aren’t about trends or what’s ‘in’ this season. They’re your guiding principles, the essence of how you want to show up in the world. 

Maybe it’s confident, bold, and elegant or playful, creative, and effortless. Once you have your words, you have a clear filter for your wardrobe—if something doesn’t align, it doesn’t belong. 

 

When I started embracing my own words—Vibrant, Creative and Fun—everything changed. I stopped defaulting to black “because it was easy” and instead started dressing in a way that felt aligned. And you know what? People noticed. They saw my confidence, my energy, and my presence shift. That’s what happens when you dress as your true self. 

 

Choose three words that truly reflect the version of yourself you’re stepping into: 

 

1. ________________________________________ 

2. ________________________________________ 

3. ________________________________________ 

 

 

Now, let’s get practical. The best way to step into your fully self-expressed style is to experiment. Give yourself permission to play! Try something new and see how it feels. 

 

• This week: Wear an outfit that scares you a little—in a good way. 

• This month: Curate three outfits that reflect your words. 

• This season: Declutter your wardrobe, removing anything that doesn’t align with your new style identity. 

 

These aren’t just wardrobe choices—they’re acts of self-expression. It’s about creating a wardrobe that works for you rather than one that ticks some invisible ‘appropriate’ checklist. 

How will you know when you’ve moved from just being nicely dressed to being fully self-expressed? It won’t be about the clothes themselves—it’ll be about how you feel in them.  

 

You’ll notice: 

 

• A sense of ease and excitement when getting dressed 

• Confidence that comes from alignment, not just approval 

• An ability to show up unapologetically as yourself 

 

Clients often say things like “I finally feel like me again” and “I’m feeling really comfortable in my own skin.” That’s what true style is about—not just looking good, but feeling powerful, magnetic, and completely you. 

This community is really special. It's got the most amazing vibe going on. It’s a safe space where you can metaphorically fling off your bra. It’s women empowering women and providing a circle of support because being in business can be a lonely place. 

 

It's a supportive business network with personal development and a heart centred vibe at the core of the community – no pressured referrals or other stuff you don’t like about networking. It’s birds of a feather networking and growing their businesses together, sharing collective wisdom, a place to thrive and celebrate camaraderie. It’s a space where you feel like you have come home. 

 

We have monthly meetings, online and face to face events. Your first meeting is free, hit me up for a complimentary 'Golden Ticket' to see if we're a good fit. 

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